There is absolutely no way around it—relationships are complicated. That’s why they are so much fun! But suddenly throw in low sexual drive with someone who has a high one and the relationship dynamics becomes even more complex.
FACTOID: Data suggests that a third of all couples have serious issues with libidos that simply don’t sync.
Here’s the dilemma: One partner is horny and wants to express his or her affections. For whatever reason, the other partner is not keen on the idea of sex which makes them appear like they just don’t give a shit. Either side ends up dissatisfied or even hurt if they do not understand the other ones’motives. Relationships like this example and who have deeply divided sex drive’s often break apart.
“She feels angry that her boyfriend didn’t want to be intimate with her, and frustrated because she felt he held all the power. He felt disgruntled that she would ask this of him when he wasn’t interested and upset because he was being expected to be someone he was not.”
If you are one of the million’s of couples who wants for or less sex from your partner, you are not alone. There are ways you can level the playing field. Here are some suggestions which may help bridge the gap and rebuild mismatched sex drives:
There’s nothing like the fresh excitement of a new relationship. Happy hormones bouncing around your brain. You can’t keep your hand off of one another and make-out everywhere! Sex is on the menu every night and sometimes, even a few times a night. You both wake up drained and tired in the morning but go to work with a beaming smile plastered all over your face. Unfortunately, things don’t last forever. The honeymoon period begins to taper and sex drive return to normal levels.
Before you know it, things start settling into the day to day routines of coupledom. The sex becomes less frequent and foreplay consists of a simple pat on the knee. As the horny dust starts clearing this is the point when you notice some libido imbalances. If you and your partner have hit this low point, it’s important to recall what attracted you to the person in the first place.
Clear the Air
The root of divided libidos is caused by a number of things. Most of the time, it’s physiological, environmental, or non-relationship emotional issues. But it could also be stressors which involve physical or medical complications. No matter the problem, some sex drive imbalances can be solved with very honest and open communication. Yes, talking about your sexual relationship can be scary. But sweeping it under the rug also widens the libido gap, making it harder to find a solution. By airing things out constructively, you may discover new ways of compromising and preventing the sex drive imbalance from eroding the entire relationship.
You Don’t Send Me Flowers, Anymore!
From a woman’s perspective, affectionate touching without the expectation of sex can be a great way to initiate intimacy. Most women say they have a strong need for affection without the sexual overtones and get annoyed when every touch becomes a means of foreplay. If this sounds familiar, try some cuddling, hand holding, or a gentle kiss and stop there. When you start doing things that touch her soul, she will be more inclined to do things that touch your body.
Play with Yourself
Although masturbation isn’t a substitute for the thrill and sensuality of skin-on-skin contact, it sure can help take the edge off and fill natural gaps. Plus, masturbating is an opportunity for safely exploring your personal fantasies.
“The more sexually aware you are, the better bedroom partner you become. So, why not masturbate together? One relationship expert suggests, “Inclusion brings intimacy and prevents the difference in desire from being destructive.”
Just because you have less interest in sex doesn’t mean you can not or should not enjoy your own sexuality. Sometimes masturbation can provide just the right kind of sexual jumpstart to tip the scales.
When the Mood Strikes
Booty and the Brain
Sometimes it takes more than just constructive communication to get the sex party started.
FACTOID: The biggest sex organ in the body is the brain.
For partners that are slow to warm up and less receptive to the idea of having sex, try some erotic inspiration like sharing fantasies, shopping for sex toys together or watching x-rated films. This not only boosts hormone levels but can elevate self-esteem too.
Sometimes we have to take one for the team in order to create balance and harmony within the relationship. Alternate between doing what the higher-libido partner wants, doing what the lower-libido partner wants. A good way to do this is doing something in between, such as bringing one partner to orgasm without involving full-blown sex. For instance, if your partner is willing to have sex twice a week, but you prefer three times, perhaps a once-a-week sacrifice will go a long way toward balancing the difference—and once you two are in a good place, your partner may be more inclined to participate in a steamy masturbation session or other intimate encounters more frequently.
It’s hard to work through sex drive issues, especially when you are deep in the shit! The great news is you don’t have to work through things it alone. I know a lot of you are reluctant getting professional help from a sex therapist or couples counselor. However, having an outside perspective can actually take a lot of the pressure off you to solve the problem. Sex makes it very difficult to wade through our emotions. Consulting a pro who can offer professional guidance is more beneficial than you think.
Have you experienced an uneven sex drive? What did you do to fix it? Leave your comments below.