Hail to the V: What’s Your Pussy Persona?

What is it about the vagina that makes people feel so uncomfortable? Is it because it’s neatly tucked out of sight? (Kind of like the out of sight, out of mind mentally.) Or is it because somewhere along our history, someone decided the Vagina is unworthy of honorable mention.

According to Russian folklore, pussy is one of the most powerful antidotes for marauding bear attacks. Of course, it is! It seems to scare a lot more than bears, though. One of the most vexing marvels of natural engineering seems to scare men (mostly politicians) too.

For fuck sake, it’s 2017. Hail to the V-A-G-I-N-A! The vagina—or vag, pussy, snatch, bearded clam, the cave of wonders, or whatever you choose to call it—deserves the right to be seen and heard.To know your

To know your yoni is to know yourself—and just like her owner, the pussy packs a huge personality. Read ahead and check out your own pussy personality.

Mata Hari

Pussy PersonalityThis exotic vagina uses her beguiling ways to hypnotize admirers. Known more for her sensuality and eroticism, she has no problem arousing attention. An ideal suitor will need both strength and stamina to take on this pussy. She prefers the finer thing’s in life, like slow and deliberate undulating movements of cunnilingus—so better get to practicing. Tread lightly, though. She knows exactly how to stretch beyond the imaginary limits.

Tigress

Pussy PersonalityPossessing an aloof demeanor, this pussy persona is often misread as a calculating man-eater. It is partly due to her overwhelming high-standards and refusal in coddling sniveling complainers. The femme fatale of Fifi’s, this pussy is not for the faint of heart. You must have an acquired taste for super-human strength and not be so fucking sensitive. The Tigress is an expert at having emotional discipline and does not have a fuzzy bedside manner. She’s not into to mushy-gushy relationships, either. If she even suspects you’re smitten with this kitten, you will be sorely disappointed.

The Pegging Sue

Pussy PersonalityBetter not let this 1950’s polka-dot skirt, pearl necklace wearing pussy fool you. The June Cleaver of beavers is way more than just a dutiful housewife. She is bold and fearless and not shy about playing a game of ‘Ben Dover’, so to speak. This dainty lady is a huge fan of strap-on entertainment. Always a consummate lady, she is the first to recognize good deeds and will reward you with great pleasure. But if you’re a man who races to quick to the finish line, she will be cross, like applesauce. Detail oriented, this pussy always has plenty of crafts in her basket designed to keep anyone running the sexual adventure gauntlet.

The City Slicker

Pussy PersonalityAdept at throwing killer dinner parties, this independent, this upper east side pussy uses her clever wit and intelligence to charm the pants off of anyone. But before gaining entry, be aware of the rules of engagement. First, before crossing her threshold, offer up an elegantly wrapped, luxury sex toy. Secondly, never expect a tour of her lofty estate. And third, always mind your manners. Her disdain for sloppy etiquette calls for an immediate dismissal. Gaining access to her pleasure garden requires someone with matched potential. A powerful pussy, she loves keeping her paramours in blissful suspense. So, be prepared for quite a cock-tease.

The Rabble Rouser

Pussy PersonalityThis rebel-without-a-cause will go commando to get and keep your attention. You name it, she’s done it—tried every toy under the sun, dyed her hair crazy colors, pierced her labia, gotten down in public, and even flaunted herself to a busload of catholic nuns. The rules really don’t apply to this free-spirited vagina. She will rebuke any of your attempts that insinuate guidance, input, or feedback. Her vivacity and lust for life make her irresistible to all the sexes. Her true charm, however, lies in her ability to laugh if something goes wrong, tell incredible stories, and has the willingness for always trying something new. Plus, no one makes a night more memorable—for better or worse!—than she does.

The Socialite

Pussy PersonalityAn avid watcher of the E! network’s bank of reality shows, this captivating vagina lives life by the WWKKD code. She loves laying back and letting others do all the heavy lifting. Her days are filled with ‘accidental’ sex tapes, expensive cars, paid club appearances, and trips on her private jet. You might as well give up if you’re looking for her undivided attention. Nothing is more interesting than herself. She spends hours taking (and retaking) hot selfies while contemplating if her lips look, you know, like, super-fake or just a little fake. Still hanging on to the hope that Ugg boots and Juicy Couture sweatsuits will make fashion comeback, she is never seen without an accompanying cock. But don’t throw caution to the wind so soon. When her boredom eventually sets in, she’ll wind up cheating with, like, a really super-cute shipping heir.

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