BDSM Building Blocks

Building Blocks of Kink: What is BDSM?

BDSM is not what you would expect. Movies like 8MM or even Fifty Shades do not show the lifestyle in a very positive light. Unfortunately, misrepresentation for dramatic purposes is leading people to judge others who practice this method of sexual gratification. So, what is the true meaning of BDSM?

BDSM is a compound acronym meaning different things to different people.

  • B – represents Bondage
  • D – represents Dominance or Discipline
  • S – represents Submission or Sadism
  • M – represents Masochism

Because people have a variety of sexual proclivities, the dynamics between two consenting adults can vary wildly. BDSM is merely a different way of loving and expressing your desire for another person. Through this interaction, couples can enjoy sharing passionate, sexual and spiritual connections. BDSM is about power exchange between two consenting adults involved in a relationship.

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Common Misconceptions

I once had a boyfriend who shamed me for exploring BDSM. He would call me weird and perverted. But what he failed in understanding is BDSM is a spiritual conduit for me. It allowed me to escape into another world and fulfill desires and fantasies with the people I trusted.

A lot of people malign BDSM because they do not understand the core values. Some believe that it’s all about violence and oppression. They are completely wrong. Those in the BDSM lifestyle are intelligent and creative. We believe in consent and don’t engage in risky behavior. People like us know how to communicate and are not out to harm ourselves or others.

With that being said, BDSM is not about inflicting pain. In fact, this form of sexual expression goes much deeper.

Let’s Break it Down

Bondage can vary from playful to utilitarian to artistic. This form of play can be done with sashes, leather cuffs, rope, belts, or even saran wrap. However, bondage does not mean having to be tied down. Bondage can also involve having speech restricted or vision blocked off. People who enjoy bondage love the act of surrendering to the person in control. Also, bondage is more about the feeling it inspires rather than the act itself.

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Brought to You by the Letters D/S

Here is where the term BDSM gets complex. The D/S can represent people who enjoy dominating their lover and submitting to their lover. Not every occasion calls for discipline. Basically, the dominant is the holder of power/control and is responsible for the care and well being of the submissive. Based on the type of relationship, a dominant may have control solely in the bedroom or all the time. I prefer the bedroom only.

As for discipline, the dominant individual typically is responsible for doling out the “punishment” and reward during a scene. Dominants are relied upon for being imaginative and working with the submissive to develop a gratifying scenario.

Unraveling the Thread

S&M has more to do with a sensory experience than pain. Yes, pain is sometimes part of a play session. But this is often matched with pleasure. The combination of pain vs. pleasure can really help heighten arousal. Everyone is different, however. There are those who do not enjoy impact play like spanking or flogging and prefer sensation involving temperature such as wax play. The beauty of S&M is that you have the power of creation. The possibilities are endless.

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Getting Involved in BDSM?

So, you have an interest in expressing your kinky side. Congrats. You’re certainly not alone. There is a variety of people who enjoy the BDSM lifestyle. I personally know people from executives to doctors to real estate agents to those who own their own business who love playing on the dark side. People of all walks of life enjoy BDSM and practice this form of expression daily. You never know who you’re standing next to at Target.

Stepping into this world is not as hard as it seems. You don’t need an invite to a secretive party. Fetlife.com is an incredible resource when it comes to meeting new people. The cool thing about this site is it has discussion boards and groups. You can ask questions and participate in the conversation.

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Local Meet Ups

You will be hearing the term “munch” a lot while looking through Fetlife. Munches are gatherings that happen out in the open, usually at restaurants, coffee shops or other public venues. People attend these meetings wearing their regular day attire. Fetish wear is usually left at home, giving you a chance to be real and personable. While there, you can eat and drink and converse with like-minded people who have similar interests. There is never any pressure participating in BDSM.

Get the Party Started

So you finally found your niche within the BDSM lifestyle and want to play with others. The next step is attending a play party. A myriad of venues such which public dungeons or BDSM themed clubs or private homes hold events. Depending on the location, you can participate and/or watch different kinds of scenes in action. Going out gives you a chance for exploring new things.

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Whether you’re mild or wild, BDSM can always be tailored to your likes and needs. I encourage you to go out and converse with other kinksters. Once you get to know this world, you’ll realize that nothing is ever as it seems.

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